The Cult of the Cool Mac: Made with 100% USDA real meat!

PREAMBLE
I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

I met with my attorney today, and on his advice I want to say to all of you:

DEFINITIONS:
This agreement shall hereafter be known as THE GREETING
Greeter shall hereafter be known as GREETER
Greetee(s) shall hereafter be known as THE WISHED
All parties to THE GREETING together shall hereafter be known as THE PARTIES

LIMITATIONS

THE GREETING is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the GREETER to actually implement any of the wishes for or by her/himself or others and is revocable at the sole discretion of the GREETER.

It is the mutual understanding of THE PARTIES that some wishes may contravene portions of the European Convention on Human Rights causing such wishes to be unenforceable in signatory nations.

It is further understood by THE PARTIES that THE GREETING IS VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.

If some portions of THE GREETING are found to be unenforceable by a court of law, all other portions of THE GREETING shall be deemed seperable and enforceable to such an extent as they may be reasonably intended to represent the intentions of THE PARTIES.

No liability shall accrue upon any of THE PARTIES for failure to comply with any portion of THE GREETING where such failure is caused by operation of law.

HOLIDAY WISHES

THE WISHED accept with no obligation implied or implicit GREETER's best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of THE WISHED's choice, or GREETER's best wishes for the secular practices of THE WISHED's choice on or about the winter solstice holiday, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or GREETER's best wishes for the practices of THE WISHED's choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all on or about the winter solstice holiday.

GREETER also wishes to THE WISHED a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the modern Julian calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose unambiguous contributions to society have helped make America great (this is not to be read to imply that the United States of America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the Western Hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of THE WISHED.

WARRANTY
The wishes of THE GREETING are warranted to perform according to normal tolerances when used for the ordinary purpose of expressions of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, or until retraction or abjurance or annulment, whichever comes first. Warranty is limited to replacement of wishes or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of THE GREETER.